Pee, chocolate poop and the things we do to remain sane

My baby boy will be three weeks old tomorrow. Where is the time going? (It's amazing how absolutely slow time feels like it's moving when it's midnight and you're listening to a screaming child, but how fast it zooms by when you're taking photos and picking out outfits).

Did I mention that our baby boy has been filling out (length and weight-wise) three month clothing already? I mean the idea of anything newborn was laughable when he came out at 10lbs, but I didn't expect him to be pushing out of three months before hitting one month.

While it may seem like we've been all colic and no fun over here, there have been some really fabulous moments along the way. I figured between the recipes and woe-is-me posts I should include some of the glimpses of family of four life we've seen that doesn't scare the crap out of us.

Actually, it does kind of scare me, but in a really funny, what am I going to do with these kids kind of way?

For starters, let me paint a fabulous picture for you. It was our second night home and we were getting ready to turn in for the night. Pearyn was wedged between my husband and I (we invited her into our bed in an attempt to make her feel not-so-alone or alienated during the baby's transition) and had a tiny bowl of vegan chocolate chips with her. (No, not my idea, that was a brilliant one Chubby Vegan Dad came up with). Just before cashing out, I took the empty bowl and set it on the side table, placing Braeburn in his rock-and-play and crashing into bed myself.

Let's fast forward a few hours later, it's the middle of the night and Braeburn wakes me up ever-so-gently (if by gentle I mean I almost jump out of bed he's shrieking so loudly) to let me know he's hungry. As I prop him up on the boppy pillow to feed him, I realize my hand has discovered something really smooshy, really brown and kind of warm. Keep in mind it's like 2 a.m. and I'm slightly sleep deprived (not to mention I just had a baby, that gets me a few delirious points).

How on earth could he have pooped through his onesie and on the outside of his blanket? How is his poop brown, it should be seedy and yellow. How did he poop this much, my milk hasn't even come in.

And then Pearyn rolls over and I see it all over her back, the sheets and my pillow.

How did the poop get all over everything? He had laid in the bed for .01 seconds while I situated the boppy. I sat there the whole time, shouldn't I have seen him have this giant blowout poo?

And then I realized something else about the mystery poop. It smelled alarmingly like chocolate.

The best part about all of this? By this time I had undressed him and during my frantic search to uncover how the mystery poo had gotten everywhere, I was getting peed on. That's right. I forgot that little boys had the ability to pee everywhere and ended up not only having to change him, but myself, the sheets and spray down the headboard.

I wish I could tell you that was the last time I got peed on, but unfortunately it just seemed to be the beginning of it.

I also wish I could tell you that I've since figured out how to change him without getting peed on, but alas, I'm not that skilled. Lucky for me, however, he seems to be playing nice and hasn't peed on me in a few days.

And to keep our sanity, my husband, daughter and I have spent the last three nights watching the movie Land of the Lost. Yes, it's the atrocious movie with Danny McBride and Will Ferrell that absolutely bombed. But guess what? It's our key to remaining sane. The movie is so over-the-top and cheesy that it's the perfect thing to watch when you haven't slept more than four hours, you've got a crying baby and frankly, you're ready to pull your hair out.

We watched it probably 79 times in the first month with our daughter, while she suffered through her bout of colic and we ate take out Chinese food and tried not to lose our minds. IT was our saving grace.

Not only do I recommend it to all the sleep-deprived parents out there, it's actually one of the first things we bought for our best friends when welcoming them to parenthood.

"Well what do you know? This is one of those days when pouring dinosaur piss on your head is a bad idea!"

You also might like:


  1. Look at that sweet baby face! Love sleeping babes!

  2. Korbin was a little over 10 lbs when he was born as well. He is 6 months 2 weeks and has to wear 9-12 month clothes now!
    We are a tall family (I am 6 feet for example) and at the rate he is going I guess he will surpass us all!

  3. Definitely not my wisest decision as a father! If I ever decide to start my own blog, it might actually be titled, "How Land of the Lost saved my sanity!"

  4. My son is almost two, and has used many different brands of diapers. He pulls and tugs at them, colors on them with paint and markers, stretches them over his head (when they are clean), puts them around his legs and runs through the house, play on the playground with just the diaper on. And through all of that, they still work.