Like in that "How on earth does someone actually rationalize that," I'm going to projectile vomit a green, pea-soup-like substance out of my mouth at the same time, type of way?
Or, more simply put, have you ever wondered just how damn backwards some of the things people say really are?
In high school, I was an insanely jealous girlfriend, I admit it. I had been dating the same guy for three years and despite being an incredibly devoted, caring and all-around-good-guy, I was still that nutcase girlfriend. It didn't help that he worked at a pool all summer, with girls, of all varieties - skinny, tall, tan, pretty, slutty, all of the above - meanwhile I sat around being pissy with my fat-girl complex.
And then one day she said something that just pushed my B.S. meter over the limit. She was telling a story about a "scandalous" girl they worked with that had been sleeping around with someone else's boyfriend. Apparently, this was bad, but the attention said skeezy girl tried to rally from my boyfriend was A-OK. In fact, it was actually not her fault (no really, it wasn't her fault that she had to constantly touch my boyfriend, it was just 'how she was.") Seriously girlfriend had the nerve to look me in the face and say "I'm a naturally flirty person, I can't help it if I flirt with your boyfriend."
How do you respond to that? While I tried not to fall out of my chair I was laughing so hard, I managed to respond with a simple (half-psycho), extremely poignant "Well, I'm naturally violent person, I can't help it if I slap that smug smile off your face."
Moral of that story? Sometimes, the crap that comes out of our mouths is just so absolutely, mind-blowingly asinine, that it deserves a slap to the face. (Well, that, and apparently girls are just really, really dumb when we're teenagers).
And then I started thinking, what other kinds of garbage are we uttering on a daily basis?
Turns out, a lot.
Take for example one of the 26-year-old female Facebook friends I have. She's got a job, a boyfriend and at 26, you'd hope that she was at least a semi-adult, right? I know that age is only a number, but with her inching closer to 30 everyday, you'd hope she was maturing, right? Right?
If you guessed "no" you'd be right. I actually resorted to deleting her from my friends list because I just couldn't take all the "biatch, get ur skank-ass off mah man, he dont want anything to do wit u and ur skank ass immature games anymore" rhetoric.
Anyone else think it's funny that someone talking in half-gangsta, half-just-plain-stupid (honey, have you heard of the word doesn't?) can't even type out the word "you" is calling someone else immature? Oh sweetie, sweetie, sweetie ... can you say "Delete?"
I wish it was that easy to delete everything.
What did someone say to you recently that made you feel certified slaptastic?