11.29.2011

This blog post is sponsored by condoms, vegan ones, lots of them.

OK, not really.

But I figured it'd get your attention.

And I really do wish this particular blog post was sponsored by vegan condoms because I know a handful of young women (and probably even more I don't know) who could use them.

This isn't going to be one of your" keep your vagina disease-free by making him wrap it up" disclaimers, instead, this is going to be a plea.

From me.

And I'm sending it out to all you teeny boppers, barely over the legal drinking age, wannabe, getting-yourself-knocked-up mommas.

Please, start using condoms (vegan ones if possible), but in reality, any will do.

Just please, please, please stop having kids on purpose.

And let me just clarify something here. In no way or shape am I trying to insinuate that you won't all be perfectly wonderful mothers, that those of you who are teenage mothers aren't phenomenal or that being a certain age will make you ready for motherhood. (Nothing, I repeat, nothing, will prepare you for that constant, uphill marathon).

I genuinely believe that there are women out there who made mistakes (I am not saying your child was a mistake so chill out) and maybe had children a little earlier than they wanted. In the same hand, I know there might be a few (a very, very small few) who at 21 or 22 have settled down, have a stable environment to raise a child in and are at least ready on the outside for the challenge.
Wait until you're ready to rock the
unkempt, who knows where your make-up
went,  haven't showered in three days, don't
give a damn if everyone in the world just saw
 your vagina and have fluid leaking out of
 every orifice of your body look.

Unfortunately though, a lot of us aren't. (Notice how I said us. I'm a 26-year-old mother, with lots of 26-year-old mother friends, and at some point or another, we've all questioned whether or not we were truly ready to tackle parenthood).

The girls I'm addressing, are the ones I have sprinkled throughout my life. The ones who are, in fact, barely women yet, and decide getting pregnant would be a great idea for whatever reason.

Maybe it's because you think that super awesome boyfriend of yours will stick around if he finds out you're pregnant with a mini (pooping, screaming, messy, expensive) human. Because yeah, I think that's every 20-year-old guy's dream, something that's going to take away from beer and video games, or at the very least, your sex life.

Or perhaps you just don't have enough love in your life. If this is the case, let me know, I'll do all parties involved a big favor and come love you myself. That way, you can get all the love you want without having to raise a small child while you're still one emotionally.

Who knows, maybe you just think you're totally ready for one. You're 20 (which means you're basically a sage), you have a job, a kind-of boyfriend, a place to live and parents with a lot of money. Having kids can't cost that much, right? Your job will support you (and if it doesn't your parents can, right)? And your kind-of boyfriend, well, he'll stick by your side?

No. No. No.

You're 20 (or 18, 19, whatever). You should be growing up with your girlfriends, staying out too late and figuring out your life. You're not ready to create another human being because you're not even done being created. The person you are now is only a shadow of the one you're going to become. Do me a favor. Look back at your life three years ago, it's probably a lot different than it is now, right? Now imagine your life in three years. It's probably going to be even more different, right?

At the very least, do me a favor.

Wait until you have your own place (not one that you share with your 14 best friends).

Wait until you have someone in your life who has not only seen you at your worst (and no, that night you spent hugging the toilet does not count) but has stuck by the morning after. If you can be patient, wait until you're married and can share this experience as a husband and wife.

Wait until you're not a dumb kid anymore. Chances are, right this very moment, you think you know it all. You think you're big, bad and totally prepared for whatever comes your way. Wait to have a kid until you know you don't know it all. Until you know when to ask for help.

Wait until you have a stable environment (and I'm not just referring to the roof over your head). Wait until the drama that ensues your life is which big girl job to take, what kind of dressing to put on your salad and which shows to DVR because it can only do two at a time, rather than what boy you want to sleep with tonight, which "hoe" is getting all up on your man and which "totally cute" top to buy to go clubbing.

Do me a favor and wait until you know what I meant by "sage," hint: I'm not talking about the spice.

Wait until you don't have friends who still ask you to buy beer or at the very least, wait until you're old enough to buy it yourself, drink copious amounts of it or none at all. Just wait until you have the choice to legally drink or not (the key word there being legally).

I promise you it'll be better. I promise that in a few years you're going to feel a lot different about yourself. In a few years you're going to have that someone who makes raising a kid seem not so scary.

And note to you, if having a kid doesn't scare the bejeezus out of you, hold off on getting pregnant until it does. You are so totally not ready to become a parent if there's not this massive part of you doubting your ability to be said parent, provide for said child and frankly, push a seven, eight or nine pound baby out of your very tiny vagina.

But most importantly, use condoms (vegan ones), lots of them.

Disclaimer: I do not know it all. I am not the queen of motherhood. But one thing is for sure. I know how it feels to want a guy to stay, to be lonely and to think I know it all. I know what being 20 feels like and I know you might feel like you're on top of the world. But I also know how it feels to be a first-time mom at 26, one with a husband who started a college fund for our child and one that is finally starting to grasp exactly who I am as a person. It may not qualify me to make life decisions for you on your blog, but it does for mine. 


Also, young, single mothers who are doing an amazing job raising kids, way to go! This is not a post meant to attack or belittle you, I think the world of you for being able to raise a child without wanting to pull your hair out. This is just my message to young girls who are purposely trying to get pregnant before they give themselves a chance to grow up and really appreciate their time as a young, single woman. 

8 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more! I'm 26 and I feel I'm still not ready. I also have a stable job, stable relationship, stable income, etc...but as much as I can't wait to have a child, I am waiting, until the right time for me. It makes it ten times harder for me to wait while I watch all these young kids doing it irresponsibly. Crazy!

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  2. I'm all for using condoms and practicing safe sex to avoid unwanted pregnancies, but you're telling people that actually want to have kids that they shouldn't? Yet all I see when I come to your blog is pictures of you and your baby plastered all over the place like motherhood is the most wonderful thing in the universe. Sending a bit of a mixed message there aren't we?

    Another great example of an upper class white person forcing their beliefs onto others while not practicing them at all herself.

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    1. Shes talking about girls having babys before they are able to drink. She had her first child at 26. Shes practicing what she preaches dumbass. Judging by your "upper white class" comment im assuming your a white trash 16 year old mother. Nobody "forced" you to read her blog so keep your comments to herself.

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  3. I gotta read your blog more often! And now I gotta get into writing mine more...your words about being 20 and in college bring back some memories!! ha...i remember when you used to read EVERYTHING i wrote! Keep it up :)

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  4. I appreciate the feedback (even if it's anonymous), I expected some negative reactions regarding my opinion. And while I respect your thoughts, there are a few things I should probably set straight.

    For starters, I'm not forcing beliefs on anyone. I put them out there and if you or anyone else wants to read them they can.

    In addition to that, I DID practice what I preach. I didn't give birth to my daughter until I was 25 years old. Maybe you don't see the difference in 18, 19 and 20 compared to 25, but there's a big one. Not to mention the fact that when I became I mom, I had been in a serious relationship for five years, married for two, in addition to having a college degree, a stable job and a home. I am a 26 year old woman, not a 20 year old girl living with her three best friends, trying to figure out what to do with my life and tricking my at-the-time boyfriend into knock me up.

    Don't you think 18, 19 and 20 year old girls have better things to do with themselves than have a baby (like growing up for starters?). Or maybe just figuring out their own life and getting their feet on solid ground? I know five women under 21 years of age that got pregnant on purpose. One, ONE is in a serious relationship, three have already broken up with baby daddy and the other is cheating on hers. Explain to me how they're going to be responsible for another human being's life when they can't seem to be for their own?

    And perhaps my pictures do portray motherhood as the most wonderful thing in the universe (that it is), because it is. But if you'd bother to read my blog in its entirety, you'd see there are several occasions where I discuss exactly how hard it is and how much I feel like I'm failing at it. Scroll over to that woe is me tab and browse through a few of those, not to mention all the ones that discuss how everyone feels like I'm killing my child for feeding her a vegan diet, yeah, it's a dream come true. Woo.

    And the last comment, just proves precisely how uninformed you are. I'm not sure where you got the impression that I was upper class, considering my husband is a restaurant manager and I work part time as a project manager. (I'll do the math for you, it equates to a little over $60,000). Do we have enough money to pay our bills and start a savings account for our daughter, yes, we do. Are we driving Mercedes and living in a $200,000 home, no, not so much. The reason we're able to save what we do and put away what we do, is because we make sacrifices.

    I spend three to five hours a week making out meal plans, driving to four different grocery stores and printing off coupons so we can get our weekly grocery bill to $60 for two adults and a toddler (vegan at that). I'm not a stay at home mother because we can't afford for me to be. If we have another child, we will get rid of our cable to make sure we can provide more than the bare minimum for that child. But upper class?

    Hardly.

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  5. I really hope I'm that "one"young mother friend if yours who is still with the father of her child. Lol If not, then you have two! :-) As someone who got pregnant right after I turned 21 and was only with my boyfriend for 5 months at the time, I will say that although my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I wish she could have come along a little later in life. I did have my life completely together at the time and was more responsible than 90% of girls my same age but having a child is still the most challenging thing I have ever done. Now all the things I had hoped to accomplish in my life are second to fulfilling my daughter's needs. That doesn't mean that I won't ever get there, it just means that it will be a much longer road than anticipated. I don't necessarily think the decision to have a child should be made at any specific age though. I think everyone is different and some may be completely ready and capable of having a child at 18 but there are also many women in their 30's who shouldn't even be allowed to babysit! Lol People throughout time have been having children for the wrong reasons and I doubt it will stop anytime soon. Sorry for my lack of faith in human kind but let's be honest here!

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  6. The difference in you and the girls I'm referring to though Natalie is that you and Matt didn't purposely not take your pill or forgo a condom because you wanted Braelynn. You are an excellent mother, but you've also been basically raising yourself since you were a teenager, so you're on a much different mentality level than most.

    But, the problems you just had with your one friend, the lies, the backstabbing, that is my point. At 26, I don't have any of that drama in my life anymore, my friends are all getting married, having children and settling down. 5 years ago, I did still have that kind of drama in my life. I think you'll see in a few years, once you have weeded out the people in your life who aren't on a similar path to you, you'll see that those kinds of issues (like wanting to beat a girl up, spreading rumors, etc) mostly go away, and the only thing you have to worry about is what career path to follow, what home to buy, etc.

    Know what I mean? :)

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