Monday's "Let's be real" moment is brought to you by my burnt cookies.
The worst part? I was using the incredibly rare and elusive vegan butterscotch chip (that I ordered online forever ago from a tiny kosher store) for the first time.
That's at least 1/3 a bag of waste.
Now, if I weren't being real with you, this is probably the image you'd see, in addition to my super perfect recipe for the most amazing butterscotch chip cookies you've ever had.
Which, in all realness, isn't completely unreal because I think about 15 of the 25 cookies actually did come out as delectable as the one I'm eating looks. But the first batch, oh boy did those not look even remotely edible. They're basically the color of gingersnap cookies, except, you don't realize they're in fact not gingersnap cookies and just burnt ass, ruined butterscotch cookies until you've already bit into them and broken a tooth. OK, maybe that's a bit of stretch, seeing as how my husband ate at least five of these horrible cookies and didn't chip a tooth or break a bone.
But still, they were really, really bad and under normal circumstances, I probably would have just faked a post about how wonderful they all came out because I'm clearly the most perfect, amazing and fabulous vegan baker in all of the world.
Yeah, that's real "real." Ha.
So instead, I'll regale you with my "get real" photo, the one featuring my first batch of black sheep butterscotch cookies. The one that would not only never, ever make the blogroll, but would probably fail to be mentioned because let's face it, I need y'all to believe that I'm the most perfect, amazing and fabulous vegan baker in all of the world.
And because you're probably still questioning exactly "how real I'm getting," you can fact check these photos with my first fake post from yesterday regarding how I have super cute bangs that I never, ever actually wake up and style, even though ALL my Facebook photos say otherwise. And I still rock ribbons, even though I'm a 26 year old and a mom! You might be asking yourself if I really wear a cupcake apron and the answer is yes, that's totally real. I figure my husband spent way too much on it in the first place (because, hello, it's pink, ruffly, covered in cupcakes and totally adorable) so I might as well wear the heck out of it.
And if you want to get extra-real, I'm going to let you in on another Chubby Vegan Mom secret. I have to force myself to write amounts of ingredients down the first time I make something because after that, I never follow the rules again. I hate measuring things out (my husband calls it impatience, I call it kitchen creativity), so more often than not, my recipes are one, two or three time wonders (with a few one hit flops mixed in there too).
So there you have it friends. Not only does this Chubby Vegan Mom only do her hair and wear outrageously uncomfortable heels when she's out in public, but she also burns cookies too.
Our Monday nights aren't anything special. We usually spend them in our favorite pajama pant (as soon as we get out of work of course), playing with Pearyn, making dinner and smothering her in kisses. And to be as real as possible, yes, I do rock my Christmas pajama pants year round because they're that.comfortable.
High fashion, eat your heart out.